Dear Atty. Gab, Musta Atty!
I am writing to you because I am deeply troubled and confused about something happening in my marriage. My husband and I have been together for over fifteen years. Lately, things have been difficult. He has become very demanding, especially when it comes to intimacy. There are times when I am not feeling well, maybe I have a headache or I’m just exhausted from work and taking care of the kids, and I tell him I’m not up for it.
But instead of understanding, he gets angry. Sometimes he threatens me, saying things that scare me, or he just uses physical force to make me do what he wants. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I don’t have a choice. I thought that as married people, sex was just something you had to do, and maybe I didn’t have a right to say no if he wanted to. But the way he does it, especially when I’m crying or telling him it hurts, feels wrong. It’s not like before when we were loving with each other.
Friends have hinted that maybe this is something serious, even something illegal, but how can that be when we are married? Don’t spouses have certain rights to each other? I don’t want to break up our family, but I am also starting to feel trapped and afraid. I’m confused about my rights and what the law actually says about this within a marriage. Is there anything I can do? I would really appreciate any guidance you can offer.
Sincerely,
Roberto Valdez
Musta Atty!
Dear Roberto Valdez,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your difficult situation. It takes courage to speak about such personal and painful experiences. I understand your confusion regarding your rights and obligations within your marriage, especially concerning intimacy and consent. Let me assure you that your feelings and concerns are valid, and Philippine law provides clear principles regarding the matter you described.
Marriage is a sacred union based on mutual love and respect, but it does not extinguish an individual’s fundamental rights and dignity. Coercion and lack of consent, even between spouses, have serious legal implications under our laws designed to protect individuals from violence and abuse.
Marriage and Consent: What the Law Says About Your Rights
Under Philippine law, marriage does not grant one spouse absolute proprietary rights over the body of the other. The idea that a husband has an automatic right to sexual intercourse with his wife, regardless of her consent, is an outdated concept that has been explicitly rejected.
"Husbands do not have property rights over their wives’ bodies. Sexual intercourse, albeit within the realm of marriage, if not consensual, is rape." (Referring to the principle established by Section 266-A of the Revised Penal Code, as amended by Republic Act No. 8353)
The Anti-Rape Law of 1997 (Republic Act No. 8353) significantly reformed our understanding of rape. It reclassified rape as a crime against persons, moving away from the old notion of it being solely against chastity. More importantly, it explicitly criminalized marital rape, recognizing that a husband can indeed commit rape against his own wife.
"Article 266-A. Rape: When And How Committed. – Rape is committed: 1) By a man who shall have carnal knowledge of a woman under any of the following circumstances: a) Through force, threat, or intimidation;…" (Article 266-A, Revised Penal Code, as amended by R.A. 8353)
This provision applies universally, regardless of the relationship between the man and the woman. The law does not distinguish between rape committed within or outside of marriage when force, threat, or intimidation is involved. Your consent to sexual intimacy must be freely given; it cannot be compelled through force or intimidation.
"In case it is the legal husband who is the offender, the subsequent forgiveness by the wife as the offended party shall extinguish the criminal action or the penalty: Provided, That the crime shall not be extinguished or the penalty shall not be abated if the marriage is void ab initio." (Article 266-C, Revised Penal Code, as amended by R.A. 8353)
This particular provision acknowledges the possibility of a husband being the offender, further reinforcing the fact that marital rape is a crime under Philippine law. While it provides for the effect of the wife’s forgiveness on the criminal action or penalty, it does not negate the fact that the act itself is criminal when committed with force, threat, or intimidation and without her consent.
Furthermore, the Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004 (Republic Act No. 9262) also categorizes rape within marriage as a form of sexual violence.
"Sexual violence refers to an act which is sexual in nature, committed against a woman who is his wife… within or without the family abode… It includes, but is not limited to: a) rape… b) acts causing or attempting to cause the victim to engage in any sexual activity by force, threat of force, physical or other harm or threat of physical or other harm or coercion;" (Section 3, R.A. 9262)
This law underscores that such acts are not merely ‘domestic disputes’ but constitute violence against women, providing additional layers of protection and remedies for victims, including protection orders.
The core principle is that marriage, as defined by the Family Code which requires mutual love and respect (Article 68), does not grant a right to demand sexual acts. Intimacy should be an expression of mutual affection, not a unilateral imposition by force or coercion. A wife retains her fundamental human right to control her own body and to give or withhold consent to any sexual act, including with her husband.
Therefore, based on Philippine law, a husband cannot force his wife to have sex against her will or without her consent, especially through force, threat, or intimidation. Such acts can constitute the crime of rape and/or sexual violence under R.A. 9262.
Practical Advice for Your Situation
- Understand that you have the right to refuse sexual contact at any time, for any reason, even within marriage.
- Document incidents when they occur, noting dates, times, what happened, any threats made, and how you felt or reacted. This can be helpful if you decide to seek legal remedies later.
- If you feel unsafe, prioritize your physical and emotional well-being. Consider creating a safety plan.
- Reach out to local support services for victims of violence against women. They can provide emotional support, counseling, and guidance.
- Seek legal assistance. You can consult with a lawyer or approach the Public Attorney’s Office (PAO) for free legal aid if you qualify.
- You may also approach your local barangay or the Women and Children Protection Desks of the Philippine National Police for assistance and to explore filing a complaint.
- Discuss your options with a legal professional, including potential remedies under the Anti-Rape Law (R.A. 8353) and the Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act (R.A. 9262).
Navigating these issues can be very challenging, and you do not have to face it alone. There are resources and legal protections available to you.
Hope this helps!
Sincerely,
Atty. Gabriel Ablola
For more specific legal assistance related to your situation, please contact me through gaboogle.com or via email at connect@gaboogle.com.
Disclaimer: This correspondence is provided for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. For specific legal guidance tailored to your situation, please schedule a formal consultation.